Another Monday here at The Writing Barn. Hopefully everyone is having a good day so far, but if you aren’t maybe this week’s blog will cheer you up a little bit. This week’s featured Rejecting Rejection posts comes from author Lynn Hazen. Hopefully this one will make you laugh and gets you through the rest of the week.
Editor Emily
By Lynn E. Hazen
Feeling frustrated about the long wait times to hear back from editors? Why wait endlessly for a rejection when you can write your very own? That’s what I did in this write-yourself-a-rejection “assignment.” (My critique group often gives unique assignments such as this to get creative and let off steam.)
Enjoy! And please comment below with your own favorite fun-to-decipher (real or imagined) editorial comments.
Here’s my letter to myself:
Dear You-Wish-You-Were-a-Writer,
We regret the need to send you this form letter for your recent submission.
We don’t want your story.
We don’t want you to revise it.
We don’t want to see it or hear from you again.
Sorry to be so blunt, but we’ve been accused of being unclear in the past.
However, since we kept your story longer than: (circle one)
Longer than the submission guidelines on our website
Longer than we stated in the SCBWI or CWIM market guides
Longer than is necessary, reasonable, humane
Longer than 3 years
Longer than the postal rate on your SASE (that’s why this letter is coming to you postage due)
All of the above
Okay, so we kept it too long!
Since we kept your manuscript so long we thought you’d enjoy a personal note from a real live editor for you to endlessly ponder. Here goes:
Dear Author,
We passed your story around the office for months, I mean years on end and everyone got a chuckle, especially the janitor. But what’s with the talking bees? Haven’t you ever attended an SCBWI conference? Don’t you know we don’t like talking animals? And while we say that we don’t want rhyme, even though your story does not rhyme, perhaps my underlying message is you might want to try rhyme?
Still, the janitor liked your style so if you want to submit to him in the future, feel free. The janitor just got a new pet goat (that talks by the way). He brings Gertie to work most nights so we should be getting through the slush pile much faster from now on.
Sincerely yours,
Emily Editor
** No real goats, janitors or editors were harmed in the writing of this blog post. All goats, editors and janitors mentioned here are completely fictitious. Any resemblance to real goats, janitors or editors is purely coincidental.
When Lynn joined The Revisionaries critique group http://vimeo.com/71542261 none of The Revisionaries were published. Now they all are. The Revisionaries often give each other random assignments to let loose and keep creative. When Lynn originally wrote the above rejection letter to herself, she was also unpublished. Now she has the following books to her name, including the story with talking bees!
Lynn E. Hazen writes books filled with humor, heart and hope. Kirkus praised her young adult novel, Shifty, as “a realistic story that resonates.” Shifty was chosen as VOYA’s Top Shelf Fiction, a CCBC Choice, and a Smithsonian Notable. Lynn’s middle grade novel, Mermaid Mary Margaret, was hailed “a winner” by Kirkus.
Her books for younger readers include Buzz Bumble to the Rescue, Cinder Rabbit, and The Amazing Trail of Seymour Snail (a Maryland Library Association Honor Book in Transitional Fiction).
Lynn earned an M.F.A. in writing for children and young adults at Vermont College of Fine Arts. She teaches classes in writing at The Writing Garden in San Francisco www.TheWritingGarden.com and at Stanford Continuing Studies. Learn more about Lynn and her books at www.LynnHazen.com
Please comment with our own real or imagined editorial comments below.
Just say, “baaaaaah” to rejection.