Rejecting Rejection with author Carmen Oliver

It’s the beginning of another week, and hopefully everyone is recouping from a food filled Thanksgiving. As we start work and school after the holidays, it’s always nice to be greeted with some inspiring words of wisdom to help us through the busy week. This week’s inspiring Rejecting Rejection comes to us from author, Carmen Oliver. Rejection can get to the best of us, thick or thin skinned. But how we handle rejection is the truer measure of our strength and worth.

DO YOU HAVE THICK SKIN? OR THIN?

By Carmen Oliver

Do you have thick skin? Or thin? I have thin. I’ll admit it.

When I was a teenager, I remember coming to my mom and dad often and crying on their shoulder.

I can’t remember exactly what had happened each time but I remember this; my feelings had been hurt.

I’d been made to feel unworthy. Like I didn’t measure up. Like I’d done something wrong. I wasn’t cool. I didn’t fit in. I was average.

Time and time again, my mom and dad told me, it’s not you. It’s them.

But that didn’t make the rejection sting any less. And it didn’t stop the tears from rolling off my cheeks.

My dad told me that I needed to grow thicker skin. To not be so sensitive. To not feel as deeply as I did. To let things roll off of me and not take everything so personally.

“How do you do that?” I asked.

“Don’t worry about what other people think,” he said. “Hold your head high. Be proud of who you are. I’m proud of you.”

That’s it! I wanted to shout. That’s your great advice!!!

I walked away frustrated that day. But I did feel loved. And I did feel that I’d been heard.

I began to think more and more about my dad’s advice. Being caring and sensitive was a part of who I was. I couldn’t change who I was, could I? No, that didn’t seem right. But I could change the way I thought.

It wouldn’t be until many, many years later that I realized that my dad struggled with the same problem.

He felt deeply. He cared about what people thought. He was a people pleaser like me.

He was made to feel unworthy by his business partners. To feel that he didn’t measure up. His ideas didn’t matter. He didn’t have the same amount of money as they did. Or the college degrees. Or the flashy cars. But what my dad had in spades was something they’d never have.

He had honesty and truth. He had a strong work ethic. He never gave up.

He had thick skin.

So I learned that having thick skin doesn’t mean rejection doesn’t sting any less. It doesn’t mean you stop feeling hurt when people brush you aside or think your work doesn’t measure up. But what it means is…

…you never give up. You never stop believing in yourself. You hold your head high.

It’s not you. It’s them. Rejection is only powerful IF you let it worm its way into your heart and begin to doubt yourself.

Be proud of who you are. Be proud of what you are accomplishing.

I have thin skin. And I have thick.

To be honest, I think you need both – in life and in writing.

Carmen Oliver is the founder of the Booking Biz, a boutique style agency that brings award-winning children’s authors and illustrators to schools, libraries, and special events. She is a freelance writer and her first children’s picture book is under contract negotiations. She’s also the former assistant regional advisor for the Austin SCBWI chapter. She lives in Round Rock, Texas with her husband and three children. www.carmeoliver.com and www.thebookingbiz.com